I’ve made no secret of the struggles I’ve had with my weight – I’m your classic yo-yo dieter, and have been since I was about 20.
Before that time, I was pretty lucky really – I could within reason eat what I wanted, because I’d stop when I was full. Sure I had a thing for chocolate and I’d always be the one who’d have a pudding rather than a starter, but I was never really an emotional eater.
That all changed when I went to uni and I wasn’t happy there. Eating became a source of comfort and pleasure. Then I realised I wasn’t comfortable in my clothes, I was having to buy bigger sizes. So I joined a slimming club, and a gym, lost the weight, got my confidence back and felt great.
The problem is that this pattern has been repeated ever since. Sad times, and even sometimes periods where I feel really content, meant me seeking solace in food. Of course, munching through a box of chocs never solved anything, just distracted me from whatever was wrong at the time.
A couple of years ago, I found myself at the start of this cycle once again, but this time I weighed more than ever. There were times when my behaviour around food made me feel so ashamed of myself, and that’s not a place I ever want to be again. My body image started to get really skewed at this time – sometimes I’d think I looked massively fat, but would look fine in photo’s, at other times I’d think I looked fine, but would catch an image of myself in the mirror and wondered who that huge person staring back at me was!
I also do the classic female thing of comparing myself (usually unfavourably) to any other woman in the vicinity!
I’ve done a lot to try and be more accepting of myself since then though, and although it’s a work in progress, it’s progress nontheless! Me and The Mister decided we needed to also take some decisive action and tackle losing weight together – so once again we are at a slimming club. I have to say its SO much easier having someone to cheer you along!
It’s not all plain sailing though – life is still happening, and with that comes all the stresses I used to succumb to. At the moment I am struggling. And I’m not losing much weight. But I’m trying not to let myself sink into the chasm of eating for England again. I’m trying to see the fact that although I’m not losing, I’m not gaining either, as a positive thing.
But needless to say, I’m getting a bit frustrated with my slow progress now. So rather than beat myself up, I thought I’d try to inspire myself instead. There are so many benefits ahead for me when I get to my goal weight!
This is really the big one. Me and The Mister want to become someone’s Mum and Dad at some point down the line.
Not only do I want to be fit and healthy to have a safer happier time during pregnancy and beyond, but also, and perhaps more importantly, neither me or The Mister want to pass on our food issues, which means we need to deal with them now!
In previous slimmer periods, I was a regular runner, and would run on the treadmill and outdoors most nights. I loved it – it made me feel great, meant I could enjoy the occasional treat, I slept better, had glowing skin and it was a general all round win.
|picture sourced HERE
At the gym, I’ve made a few attempts to start running on the treadmill again, but my only reward so far has been sore knees, which is never good. So I’m going to concentrate on strengthening my legs until that stops. But I’ll get there!
At the moment, clothes shopping is a traumatic event which has seriously been known to reduce me to tears. Instead of choosing the clothes I like, I have to choose the clothes that fit. Which means my sense of personal style has fallen by the wayside somewhat.
I can’t wait til shopping for clothes is a fun thing again, when I can shop in more fashionable places, and get a bit of individuality back in my wardrobe!
Healthy Body, Healthy Mind!
There’s no doubt that getting things under control now will mean less risks in terms of both mental and physical health both now and in the future!
A Sense of Balance!
I’ve realised that just like happiness can’t be found at the bottom of a sack of maltesers, neither can it be found in a size 8 dress. I’m not built that way, and I like my curves. I just want the layer of unhealthy fat to be gone from over them! And that approach never did Kim K any harm!
|Picture Sourced HERE.
And speaking of balance, I also want to achieve a healthier relationship with food eventually – I don’t want to see food as the enemy any more! I just want to enjoy a healthy, balanced diet, and not eat to escape emotion.
I’m sure I’m not the only one out there to have experienced issues around weight etc… What inspires you to keep going?
How do you stay happy once you get to the weight you want to be?